Next B'Day gift for "Che"-tia

Post heart break rehabilitation program...

hi folks , as the topic suggests this post is going to be quite hilarious & humorous... now lets start...
heart break or break up , whatever u call all leads to hell of a pain & who knows better than me :) :) After three major break ups , I am still standing tall...
There are two types of break up - a) dumping someone b) mutual break up... Which is more painfull ??? its depends on the individual ... But i can help how to get out of it...
Instantly after break up follow these steps ...

1) Never ever listen to romantic songs... In every song u are going to find ur girl ...taking example of a song - "tum se hi" from "Jab We met".. Bryan Adams songs are a killer under these critical conditions ..
2) No romantic movies... Every fucking romantic movie would resemble ur story ... For God's sake never see "sweet november" ...
3) Watch a lot of action movies or sex comedies to divert ur mind ... or best option is animation movies..
4) Talk to all ur friends whom u havent talked for long...
5) the most impotant is work a lot ... keep urself busy every second... start loving ur work...
6) if u get chance start dating someone of same sex or opposite sex :)
7) Destroy all the old memories ... Flush it out just like in "Jab We Met"

All these steps would work if u are willing to move ahead..

But there is an exception ... What to do in case of a Mutual Break-up ??? It will take out blood of u ... When both of u love each other & had to get apart due to some unavoidable reasons ... In that case u live on a hope that something might change in future ... But what to do when ur love is getting married in a months time ... That hope also dies ...
I havent worked on this type of break-up .. It will take me another few months before I get a solution...
For the time being follow the above steps :) :)

My City..My Life..4

Recap: 1 2 3

The perfect start to a Sunday. I had a good night's sleep, woke up early and ran two rounds of the nearby community playground. Normally if I happen to do an early morning jog, I see only old folks walking and doing laughter exercises in the playground. They will come all dressed up in branded shoes and tracks. Today the old folks were few and the one's I saw were wearing T-shirts and caps with the Indian tricolor. Then it crossed my mind that the old also have a reason to celebrate today. The Indian cricket team is playing South Africa in the city. They were taking the first bus in the morning to the stadium.I am pretty amazed to see the enthusiasm of the older generation of this city. Other instances are quizzes and they are really serious about it and can leave young quizzers with a wounded pride, one of my roomie knows well.

I came back to our flat. My roomies were smiling or snoring in their sleep while there may still be couple of hours left in the transition from the dreamland to the real world. I like it this way. The morning calm and serenity; of course the accompanied 'original' tweets from the birds. I took the bike out from garage for the weekly wash. I also took out my camera. I tried to capture some snaps with the water splashing around the bike but in vain. I need to learn a lot more than the auto mode use of the camera. Atleast I was happy the bike was ready for the day. So far so good.

Previous night, my brother had called and we talked the usual stuff. Then he asked if I was planning anything for tomorrow. I said no. He said, then I may go and meet my friend if there are no plans on the other side as well. I replied well then I may go and meet. I did not want to inform of my plan to the friend; will be a surprise.

I took bath, put on a new shirt which I bought last evening from a sale at the nearby mall, put on my not so old jeans. I looked at the mirror and the mirror replied 'not bad'. One of my roomies managed to run away from scourge in a game of warcraft and crossed over to real world before he was about to be brutally killed by the Lich King. He gave me quizzical looks as if I cannot be 'civilized' in proper clothes on a Sunday morning. He asked me casually if I was upto something. I said just a rendezvous with a friend. He didn't poke further. He's got good sensibilities of a friend and roomie. I said bye to him and was off from our flat.

I went straight to the nearby market bought some stuffs and put them into my bag. I gave a quick call to home and then started off to to my friend's place. There was no rush on the Eastern Metropolitan Bypass. Most of the city would be having a lazy off day. I was enjoying the ride at 100 plus speed (KMPH). As I got near my destination, I got stuck in a traffic of people who thronged the narrow road to do some grocery shopping for a special Sunday meal. I thought of giving a call to my friend lest my surprise really surprises her should I knock on her door. First ring..Second ring..Third ring..No one pick ups. Am I too early that she may still be sleeping. So I sent an sms and did some window shopping at the roadside vegetable market to kill time !!

Tring..Tring..One of my friends from office calls and asks where am I? I said somewhere. He planned to go shopping for a laptop in the afternoon and asked if I could accompany. I just couldn't.

The sun started to shine brighter and I quenched my thirst with two glasses of sugarcane juice. Ping..Ping..An sms. It's her, she replies she is at her friend's place. Hmmm..I was left at the middle of nowhere, yes this part of the city is new to me and guess what today is also Valentine's day!! I just had a private goofy laugh all by myself.

If I return so early while my roomies may be speculating at the very moment, there may be 'suspicions' especially today. I took my time to return to flat. Earlier today I had stuffed my bag. There were chocolates and a flower. I asked for a yellow rose at the flower shop. The shopkeeper shows an array of beautiful roses but all red. He knows the occasion well. I take the red one thinking anyways the girls like flowers. I took chocolates of three varieties.

So far so good, isn't it !!.

A small kid was lucky that day, he got a big bar of chocolate. I ate one chocolate myself, I was empty stomach since morning. The third variety reached the girl on a later date. As a testimony to my little piece of crazy adventure, a rose bud is taking form somewhere on the stretch of Eastern Metropolitan Bypass.

More Gyaan, on Techie Language

So, Karma in his previous post talked about how the techie slang has taken over his life, and the life of others. Here is my addition to it. The real author is Sorcy, and you should definitely go read him. He is really awesome. And the credit of the following pick up lines goes to him... :P

So here it goes Err..Feel free to try these pickup lines at your own risk.'
Note:There is no risk when you are standing sideways and a hand's length away while trying these lines on the chick you find in the pub.
Some of them are customized for e=mc^2 kind

____________________

• Excuse me...Err...Is your name North? Cuz my compass is pointing in your direction.

• Hello there Baby!! Are those firmwares real?

• Ooh!! You turn my floppy disk into a 'hard' disk.

• You have a greater gravitational pull than earth, I think I am locked in your orbit.
  

• You look so hot, you would keep my lap more warm than my laptop.

• Ooh la la..Can I mount my server on your rack?

• Baby!! You overclock my heart.

• I can't spell FCUK without U.

• What's your name?I think I should call NASA and say I discovered new moons.

• You slow the world around me like gaming on a machine with defective graphics driver.

• Let's go to the parking bay and perform some 'illegal operation.'

• Can I access your special folder?
  

• Let's go to my shell and compile all night.

• We could be sin ²X + cos ²X tonight. What say?

• I can use my fingers for more than just Ctrl+Alt+Delete.

• What's your name?Err..I wanna shout your name when I have a buffer overflow.

• You are like an HTML Structure. Small head and Huge body![This will definitely work]
  

• You are my cure for low blood pressure.Sugar!!

• Gwad!! you just gave me a level 5 outbreak.
  

• Us together will be like 2 hard drives on RAID1[RAID 1 mirrors the contents of the disks, making a form of 1:1 ratio realtime backup. ]
  

• Baby!I won't let anything come in between our relationship, not even latex.

• I can be 3 and you be 23.Let's go home and multiply.

____________________
These should work mostly! Use Axe Deo Spray as 'Plan -B'. There should always a plan B.
Plan C is the door with the sign 'EXIT' in bold red lettering. Period.



This was gyaan from Sorcy Baba, at your doorstep... 
:D

Tada ! Time for some Karma-Sutra!!

Hi Junta ! Back again to torment you.

Excerpts from a SMS I got today:

What would you call a person who has relinquished all the pleasures of mortal life,live away from parents and all forms of civilization,bereft of sleep,wears and eats bare minimum and pays scant attention to the fairer-sex?

In older days they were called Hermits or Sadhus...Today they are called IT Professionals!!

My first reaction was " OMG :-) ROTFLMAO"!Whats with my language? This ain't the way I chat now,this is way I have started speaking! This seems to be more cryptic than Newspeak in 1984 !! Well this is what become of us - Digital Zombies.The virtual realm has engrossed us in such a degree that it is apparently beyond our capability to escape this digital asylum.Let me give an example: In morning my sleep is snapped by the sound of Gayatri Mantra streaming from Youtube,in office my entire time is spend in front of an IBM ThinkCentre working on intricate applications ,interspersed with leisure time when I listen to my sleek ipod nano,arriving home from office the first thing I do I rev up my Dell Studio and before sleep I have intense WarCraft sessions and the cycle continues.Weekends are no better maybe couple of movie on my lappy and more rounds of WarCraft.My weekend plan : Watch Avatar 3D in Imax !

I remember having the following convo with my friends long back:

Big P : Where's Karma?
D : Well,he is Debugging the soiled plates in the kitchen.
Big P : Where's Andy?
D : In his usual place.Downloading in the loo.
Shakes : Have the vegetables been De-fragmented?
D: Nah! I guess not.Who would be Compiling ?
Big P : I guess I have to.I am the only descent cook here.I am tired ,I need one F5?
D : F5? What is that?
Big P: Refresh !

Well, as a matter of fact this is certainly not the commonplace convo rather to amuse ourself,but the point is one could easy relate what might be the sense of the convo because all are well aware of the technical parlance.Technology has seeped into our system in such measure that it is sometime impossible to asunder real from unreal.Adda's and friendly chit-chat has given way to online chats and splurge of social media on net,tennis racquet or golf club has been replaced with Wii remote, our idea of adventure and sports has metamorphosis-ed into unlocking the latest World of Warcraft level or maybe slaying the abominable life-forms in Bioshock!Perhaps the day is not far when the Matrix world would be real.An excerpt from the film itself would drive the nail in place where I intend to.Here it is

Morpheus: The Matrix is everywhere. It is all around us. Even now, in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work... when you go to church... when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.
Neo: What truth?
Morpheus: That you are a slave, Neo. Like everyone else you were born into bondage. Into a prison that you cannot taste or see or touch. A prison for your mind

I guess I have done enough hell-raising for now.People might have started thinking that I must have lost my marbles or might have watched Matrix and Terminator trilogies back to back.Breaking News: I haven't either.This post is result of an bizarre act of folly I did today.

Well,I was typing one document today and I had to write TATA CONSULTANCY SERVICES LIMITED somewhere - all in caps.I had typed a lot and was hungry.I looked every nook but could not find the phrase in caps so that I could copy(for the unassumed let me inform that IT Professional have this appalling ability to copy-paste anything under the sun) as I was too disinclined to type it out.You know what I did? I typed the following in my PL/SQL Developer window,run it and Voila!

select upper('Tata Consultancy Services Limited')

from dual;

Beat that ! Period

here I am...

hi guys..

how is it going ?? karma's three back to back post motivated me to put up something ...

Lots of things are going in my life ... Lets start it one by one..

For three weeks my lappy was not working properly ... It used to take ages to start & open any file ...I was deprived of my daily movie show... I tried everything from asking friends to calling up Dell service but nothing worked...I must admit here that Dell service is superb.. They were ready to send a technician at my home...Everyone told me to format it ...When I was fully prepared to format it , something clicked me , I re-examined my system & fixed the problem ... I felt very proud of myself :) I realized during this time that computes, phones & other gadgets have become important companion of our life ...

My parents achieved a new pin level in business & they gifted me a digi cam.. Last time I had got my lappy... The digi cam thing has also got a long story .. I was confused which one to buy ...I did a lot of research & found that people mostly buy cams blindly ... For them higher the mega-pixels better is the camera ...

Jamshedpur is the worst place to shop ... If they are not having any specific model they will say that model is not for India or that model has stopped coming or any shit excuse ... At last I got my cam in Nagpur.. Its Nikon S570 , 12Mp with 5X optical zoom... I have fallen in love with it .. There is so much in that camera ...I am still exploring it ...

Now coming to my marriage thing... My parents get motivated when I come home & forget the whole topic when I am not around... But on one thing is for sure that i have to my parents way... Kya karein apne haath mein koi tikti kahan hai :) :)

Business is going great ... Every month new people are coming ... Now i dont remember the nos..

This all from my side...

Minus Human : Esoteric comment by Rathz

Well,junta now that I have started the ball rolling...I am in no mood to stop!


I guess I am heavily under the influence of Twitter - can not just stop posting.Just wanted to share a a comment by Rathindra I found very wacky on my blog.I remember writing a post lamenting my inability to write well and subsequently the dearth of comments.Here's what Rathz said in reply:

ye kaisi behki behki baat kar raha hai..

the blog is lovely dark n free,
but u've nirvana to seek.
and miles to write before u sleep.
and miles to write before u sleep..

-Rathindra Frost

Minus Human : The Disclaimer

So here I begin.

To start off I would share the disclaimer I had for my blog.I mean everyblog has some central theme the writer intends to convey and it was no exception for me,but in this case I included one neat disclaimer.Here it goes:

I solemnly admit that the content of this page is purely the figments of my imagination,however , any possible resemblance of any person dead or living ,images or reference to real life is purely co-incidental and might be even deliberate at times!! Viwers who wish to take all the pains to read my posts are free to do so and I recommend them not to lament later!!

Coming back to life

Hi Junta!

I have hit what you call a "writers block". Every time I visit our blogpage and find its pages bereft of any activity,I kinda feel compunction of not devoting enuff time to the cause of the labor of our love.But I don't seem to get any inspiration which might lead me to do something towards it.Just when I was about to turn off my lappy I remembering owning my own personal blog which I named "Minus Human" (which is actually what has happened of it).Very few people are aware of it and I have decided that why not revive the posts which I had done there.Our blog has climbed a long distance in Google's Pagerank and I find it pretty exciting proposition to post those novice articles here.It might garner the adulation and attention which I could never accrue in my hackneyed blog.

So Junta stay put!

Happy Birthday Raj

Yeah, its the Dude's birthday, and I hope and pray that his day be really great. And wish him all the best and all the luck in life-

Happy Birthday Raj...!!

Raj,
You have been one of the greatest friend that anyone can hope for. You have been there, when you are needed the most. You have been, Just there. And, somehow, it is not you just being present, but just being a thought away that makes you so special.

Thank you- And have a Great Birthday...!!!

I heard

That you all are kind of confused.
I, ahem, well,
I think I owe you all an explanation.
I did go away for exactly two days. And now I am back.

So, you guys should not be confused, I am back. I was angry, and now am not.
Ahem, so, yeah-
Hi, guys. Wake up.

Happy Holi...!!!