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Wedding in a Marriage Series- I


What is this eerie silence all about? Is it the silence before or that of after a storm.
I sincerely hope, that it has nothing to do with the ‘storm’ that we brewed and then let it go! ;)
Now without getting pulled into any sort of a controversy.. I’ll just get right back to my post.. (I wonder how much discussion will this post ensue… )
So I am getting married. (So is Shayon,and we are getting married to each other, but, this post is solely my own aversions on the whole ‘Wedding in the marriage thing’)
Raj has been demanding a story, and since I am writing a detailed post about the whole thing, let me start from the start.
First, KUDOS to Shayon. It was his push that got the thing settled, had it been solely on me, I am dead sure that we would have been bickering about what the right time is. And, you guys can’t imagine, I actually Googled the phrases “How to break the news about you wanting to get married to your father”; “How to make your boyfriend meet your parents”; “what is the right time to tell your parents about your intentions to get married” etc.
Trust me when I say that, there is absolutely no right time to tell your parents. Shayon had to literally threaten me to go up to my parents and drop the bomb. He had already proposed to me and well, things had to be taken forward, and I did so. Without thing about the mahuratam or the shub ghadi I did, what had to be done. And then later, when things had come to the finalization stage, it was again Shayon who took all the grilling.
Imagine meeting the parents of your girl, ALL ALONE. Trust me, I was more nervous than him. But we skimmed it through.
Obviously, when I had to meet his father, I was accompanied by my parents and sister! And, I was the lost party, because his dad had no real questions for me and I was feeling SUPER AWKWARD because I had no real information to share :P
Now, that the marriage has been fixed, the families are in good terms with each other, lets come to the wedding bit of the marriage.
Here is the first low down, if it is an inter-community, inter-state or for that matter inter continent marriage, unless you are a millionaire and you yourself are paying for the grand wedding *so to say*, be prepared.. to argue with your fiancé, with your family, with your friends, and with everyone else who is gonna come and help you sort out the wedding.
My father had given me strict instructions that there has to be a single channel of communication a.k.a- ALL the official communication is to happen between the fathers.
BUT- I am me. I am the ‘Shaadi obsessed’ woman *I am a Punjabi and I attend atleast 5 weddings, out of which at least one is of my cousin every wedding season*, so you can imagine, I have the whole thing pretty much visualized in my head. But, dreams are just that. Remember, you either are a millionaire or you are not. *So when my cousin got married in Goa last year, that is when things started heating up, with respect to our shaadi and my father made is abundantly clear that the Goa wedding is NOT a bench mark for my own wedding*
So, whilst the news was spreading like fire that the ‘ghar ki ladli beti is finally getting married’, Shayon and I broke our head into two about minor details that were pure imaginary situations.
So first, it was the wedding date.
It was clarified between the parties that none are interested in having the wedding during the ‘bad season’ and the earliest good season for the wedding was staring October/November/December (for the uninitiated, amongst my family for some weird reason, we don’t get married in the same month as that of our Birthdays, so July & September were automatically out, and we were not really keen on Monsoon Wedding)
But, then the shubh dates had to be decided vide the Bengali Panchang which was a tough task, considering the dates had be finalized ASAP and finally the dates came.
The first weekend among the lot, we picked it up, got the venue booked.. and then it was made known to us that the wedding can’t happen on a Sunday, because Shayon was born on a Sunday. So all the Saturdays (in November) that were mentioned in the said dates were tallied with the availability of the Venue, and then the Fridays but none happened. So, it had to be shifted to December. The venue was pencil booked for the December date and two weeks later we get to know that the big boss of the Venue has the party on that very day and booking is cancelled. And we are back to the square one.. finally, some miracle happens and ONE day opens up. THE most auspicious date in the calendar a.k.a 23 November and we book it.
In between all of this, Shayon and I are fighting our own little battle with wanting to hire candid wedding photographers.. wondering what ritual is super important for the Bengalis in a wedding that HAS to incorporated in our very punju wedding.
And Shayon knows nothing. There is absolutely no first hand knowledge about how Bengali wedding happens. And, it is not only him, I asked around a couple of girls too, and they told nothing, because they knew nothing much.
So, well, the ritual bit, still hasn’t been cleared, but from whatever my father has talked to, to Shayon’s Taiji, there is better clarity.
And then there are the dances, forget everything- All I want is dancing at my wedding, and with the way things are going I have no idea how in the world am I gonna enjoy my own pre-wedding functions.
There are too many surprises floating around, I just hope that I am pleasantly surprised.
And there are too many advices and too much of leg pulling happening around.. and you know what, everyone is after my life to lose weight. And trust me I am being pushed. And, I am doing all I can.
BUT. Our very dear Shayon refuses absolutely refuses to move his big butt and make any effort to lose the beer belly *add to woes that he hasn’t even stopped consuming bear* and if any one of you can make him like really make him understand how important it is for my mum that he loses weight and looks handsome, I’ll be forever grateful *Somehow, the fact that he will look slim trim and handsome at his own wedding, doesn’t really help the cause. The carrot doesn’t work L *
Apart from the weight loss advice, there are the other advices about the post marriage things (which due to content restrictions on the site I cant really talk about).. well there is this aunty who very diligently told me that, I should have enough margin in my clothes to get them loosened after marriage, and that I am bound to gain weight… (I still don’t know why was this told to me).
And then, there are lists… of all orders cadres and anything and everything that you can think about.. all I see around me is lists. There is a list for the guests, the work delegation, the songs, the clothes the venues and what not.
I think the guest list itself has been made by four us, and still we are struggling. (and I am talking just my side of the family).
I don’t know what Shayon feels when he thinks about the future, but for me, I think the only reason I am sane is because of the madness in the preparations. Or whatever little that we are doing. Every time, my mother coaxes me to start sorting my books to box them, every time we talk about the clothes that I need to take with me.. I cry myself to sleep that night, remembering my days are numbered in the house, in the neighbourhood where I spent 26 years of my life.
The umbilical chord will in the real sense be cut 6 months from now.
The only saving grace is that the person who will guide me in my new life, is someone who I know (and hope remains mostly same after marriage) and who I know loves me and will make sure that we walk hand in hand in our new journey together.
To end on the super cheesy note.. Love you, Shayon!

To the rest of the TWM- You will get updates of the madness as we get closer to the dates!
And, people please, if you are our outstation guests, RSVP on the Save the date Cards so that we know, how to help if you need our help! (In cases where you are not attending the wedding- I can keep a grudge against you and remain mad at you for the rest of our lives ;))  

Comments

raj alakshendra said…
OMG !!! the post si so looong ...
give me two days time before i complete it & comment !!!
Unknown said…
Mannu bhai can sing some rap songs while Gandhi can show some of his dance moves in the shaadi wala function. :)

Shayon - You are cool!?
Unknown said…
"How to break the news about you wanting to get married to your father"? :-o Seriously?

Well, this is what happens when you don't pay attention to punctuation marks :D

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Music time

Hi all,

I recorded this bit when Sam came to Bangalore... quality of the video is poor. enjoy.




jamshedpur ki shardi

Nature at its best... this is half km away frm my flat
Neela aasman so gaya...

Outside my flat taken at 7.30 am...




Inside office premises at 7.30 am...


Office pic 2...

Its tough to drive in this condition...

But then we somehow reach office at 7.30 am to punch...