I’ve been so swamped with work the past two – three months that I find it real hard to pen done a few lines of non-scientific pros. Actually, I think the last two – two-half years is a more truthful estimate of when my life first started getting busy and busy and more busy! Is this what my life has become? Does my disappointment with this development stem from the fact that I hate to change or that I just hate change?
When I see pictures of friends meeting up (courtesy Facebook), I tend to question myself and my choices made thus far. Are the sacrifices made worth the reward? Living away from family and friends, walking (far too often) the path less trod on, sacrificing relationships (to be the good guy and/or to pursue my goals and ambitions) are a short list in what is a long line of decisions made for better or worse. They have often led to many missed opportunities and an equal number of achievements. The point is when you weigh them all balancing the pros and the cons, the rights and wrongs, the good times, the not so good and the bad, how do you make those distinctions? I can’t, so will Lady Justice lend me her scales?
Life for me is like a problem with multiple solutions, each dictated by the path you choose. My point in all of this is that once we immerse ourselves in work and/or some activity, do we give it our all or do we just skim the surface? As I said before, each choice leads to a different outcome. Take the former; giving it my all, means I do just that and that only. It means I’m like a horse with blinders sprinting to the Belmont Stakes. The result, well I’ve just won the Belmont Stakes (and the Triple Crown if you may)- in lay mans terms, I’ve just accomplished what I set out to do, the best I could ever do; done in such a manner so as to assure its place in history. I can take comfort from the fact that I’ve accomplished something (a happiness on sorts). But at what cost? Take the latter option, now I’ve got my fingers, hands and feet (and toes too- lets just throw it all in) in all the different pies possible. The result, I’m happy on both a professional and personal front now (barring the fact that I’ve stretched myself too thin). The overall picture, I’ve now done a shoddy job of things in both aspects of my life. Is this divided happiness (a little for the personal and professional parts of me each) warranted? Once again I ask myself, ‘but at what cost?’
How do I make the choice, do and I am dammed and don’t and I’m most surely dammed! Is there anyone out there who will absorb this burden off me? Probably not.
When I was bouncing these thoughts off a wise woman (my mom), she told me that all these feelings are coming out from a part of me that’s still a child.
Is that true?
And if so, will I ever grow up?
To paraphrase Kipling,
‘Will I ever inherit the earth and all in it, And what’s more, will I ever be a man or just the son!’