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The God of Whackiness,speaks ...

Here's an entry which is gonna truly take the competition to an altogether different realm.We have with us,a guy who's been through a lot in life and who has really got that I-don't-care-two-nuts-about-things-I-don't-like attitude.Here's the man himself,Mr Sayantan Pal.Talking about him,he's a man,who can be aptly termed as a Tragedy king(or Drama queen-another sobriquet given to him,by Dion).For me,it's such a relief to see folks like him-for when I get depressed seeing my flawless track record of continual carelessness and forgetfulness,losing around all my belongings every other day(8th semester gradecard,Driving license,innerwears,towels,slippers,floaters, helmet(have lost 2)being some of the recent ones),Sayantan Pal comes as a shining ray in the clouded skies for me,for he,too, has made a mark for himself in the field of losing his things due to his carelessness.A newly bought MOTOROKR & his PAN card being the recent promiment additions to his glorious record.Talking about wackiness,I am not only sure ,but I have full belief that he would have won the Mr.Whacko contest,but due to his day & night obsession with this word "Technology" and all the paraphernalia associated with it,he's been able to send in just one entry,which,I'm sure, is just a drop in his ocean of whackiness.Anyway,here we go with his tremendously hilarious story in it's original form.
--------------
It was the summers of 2007 and I was interning with Crompton Greaves, during those days. Although the whole experience was great and I would have a blast working with them, I would still have a few bad days, occassionally.

It was one of those days when I had a real patchy day at office, very pissed at my boss, and frustrated with my life because I had to travel back home in a train during the peak hour of 2000 hours. For all those who haven't witnessed Mumbai locals till date, it's an accomplishment if you can board a train during office hours and a miracle if you manage to get off at your intended station. But then, there's a great positive side too. Even if you do not get a place to sit, you can easily sleep off, while standing, after a hard day at work because there's never enough place to accommodate your fall.

On this particular evening, I was counting off the stations and waiting patiently for my time to get off. Suddenly, I felt something picking at my groin. I looked down only to find a palm trying to flex its fingers. Now, I didn't give that incident much thought concluding that it might be just an accident. However, the plucking never stopped. Rather, I actually felt the back of the palm feeling up and down my groin with quite an interest and flavor. Now, how much ever inviriogated I got with this revelation, I couldn't do a thing 'coz the train was too crowded for me to even figure out the owner of that palm. In my quest of being sure about that palm's intentions, I pushed my groin a bit closer to it. I guess this act of mine gave a lot of encouragement to "the palm" and it actually grabbed hold of my balls and started squeezing and squishing them. I made my best effort to find out the owner of the palm, only to discover a 45-ish year old guy, half-salivating, staring at me with an oddly pleasured expression. I wish I could describe it in writing how disgusted I felt, at that moment. I wanted to punch his face then and there but I couldn't. I wanted to shout at him but was afraid of people's ridicule. I could've just moved away but I wanted to teach that guy a lesson, a lesson that he would remember not just in this life but in his after life as well.

During all this while, the crowd in the compartment had thinned out but the guy kept sticking close to me and scratching my balls. I didn't really look at him but moved my hand too, towards his crotch. I guess this gave him the idea that I too might be very interested in getting "dirty" with him. So, his immediately pushed his groin forward while I started caressing his balls. Not even a minute into this "game" when I just squished his balls with all my might! All it got out of him was "Yucks" and he reeled backwards. Within a few minutes, while he was taking care of his own antiques, I reached my destination and got off the train.

You should the seen the satisfaction I had in seeing the pain in that asshole's face. That one incident actually made my day. I am sure he won't even think of another pair of balls even in his nightmare, ever again. And this should also teach him the lesson of wearing an underwear every time you go out of your house. (Yes, I could feel that he wasn't wearing any undie!) What a loser!

Well, there goes my story :-)
----
Shayon

Comments

ROTFLMAO! Uhahaha!
I just read the entry once again after having read it two times when Shayon had mailed it to me and, believe me,it made for a hilarious read now also.The incident in itself is Wacky and the way Shayon has described it,marvellous!
@All
Do any of you voyeurs, remember this special day April 14th wrt to a function in our great college-NIT,Jamshedpur ;D.
I'll treat the one, who gives the first reply ;-)
Shayon said…
@MannThat's an easy one, dude... Ambedkar Jayanti... Chhamiya Dance! ;-)

Speaking of me sending in only one entry, it ain't any lottery, is it? It's about being the Gawd of Whackiness! So, I really do not have to keep sending in entry after entry to get nominated ;-)

Well, apart from losing my brand new MotoRokr and my PAN Card, I have also lost my ATM Card for a whopping 6 times, had my wallet popped out into the poop while I was at it, have also taken out one of my phones outta hostel's loo, all smeared with community you-know-what!

Anyway, at least you owe me a treat now! ;-)
Sakshi said…
well... ofcourse I knew of the incident the instant it had happened two years back... but reading it again.. well... i couldn't help laughing my head off...!!! btw- mannu...loved the preface...
@Shayon

Do you really think that I'll let you walk away with that prestigious title,so easily. Ha ha!

Treat's cancelled coz I gave the hint explicitly which was "a function" :D
Will keep the question a lil tougher next time .Haha
This comment has been removed by the author.
Before the junta makes a noise as to who deleted the comment,it was me, as the same comment got published twice.

@Sakshi
Thanks! Actually,that's the very reason that I don't post the entries one after the other 'coz writing the preface takes a bit of time.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
I'm laughing incontrollably here in the lab!
Only Shayon and I mean only Shayon would have the balls and the shameless attitude to grab another guy's balls and actually tell the tale later.
I seriously can't stop laughing.

@ Mann
There you go slinking out of another treat!
Great work man, if your entry is more hilarious than this, then I just can't wait.

@ Shayon
Kudos mate! But keep the potty tales for when we meet up! I just had breakfast and I had to read that!
And what kind of stratergy was that (I mean the "leaning into his carress to gauge his intentions")? Only you could think of it!
I would have broken the MoFo's fingers.

D
And missing that dance on Ambedkar Jayanti is one of my few regrets from Jam.
Too bad!

D
raj alakshendra said…
only shayon has the balls to do this
Ankit said…
shayon..another thing u cud have done was that at least u knew there was a hand....u should have bent that bastards fingers towards opposite side...that would have left him in such a position that he cud not have touched his own groin also....people like them deserve some taliban like treatment...
@Ankit
Dude, are you planning to send ur entry or not ?
The main question now is "Is Ankit venting his frustration due to an earlier incident- with him?"

D
Ankit said…
@Dion:
OMG..NO!! not at all...

@Manu:
I am...
Mann!
Mission Accomplished (you got Gandhi to send an entry). THAT was the main plan, right?

D
Shayon said…
Hahaha...it's a treat reading all you guys' comments.

@Mann
You fucker! Chickened outta another treat, huh? And dude, trust me, had it not been sakshi stopping me from sending you the entry I'd wanted to send, I doubt if u'd even harbor the want of winning the 'title' ;-)

@Dino
Dude, I thot u too were supposed to send it an entry or two? What happened to that?

@Raj
I guess I did tell you about this incident before I posted it on wall mag, dint I?

@Gandhi
Duffer, abhi bhi waqt hai, sudhar jaa... Kahin se thodi si toh akal jugad ke laa!
@Gandhi
Phew! Such a relief that you are, finally, sending your entry.

@Shayon
Haha! No wonder I have already given u the title "God of Whackiness"
Dude! Since you didn't send ur whackiest incident,so I'm not gonna send the whackiest(s) of mine,too.Why should I be the lone bali-kaa-bakra, allowing everybody(including people whom we don't know,visiting us from across the world) in the virtual world to read ?
I want a companion ;)

@Dion
Gaandu,don't taunt our cute baby Gandhi..he's so gullible that he may change his mind and may change his decision to send his entry.I hope you don't want that :D
Guys,is any of you logging on from a server in Oslo,Norway ? This "Oslo guy" visits us quite regularly.

@Oslo-guy,
If you are reading this comment,then do give us sm feedback about the articles we post here on the website, man? I hope you are having a great time reading the antics of some young & wacky Indians :D
Sakshi said…
Finally... Gandhi is sending his entry...!!! Great news...!!!
Ankit said…
Guys..being frank..i`m not able to understand why shayon is saying thodi se akal le aa....i am really disheartened...are you guys fooling me into something..OR are these guys fooling me....I'm unable to understand...but this khichdi has really made me feel very awkward....for better or worse...i'm not sending an entry...i'll stay a mute spectator...sorry...
Sakshi said…
Guys- See what have you done now... Gandhi so Mad at us...!!!
@ Shayon
You are a very mean person... Gandhi is such a sweetheart... why would say something like that.

@ Dion
Stop taunting Gandhi.
Same to you mannu

And Gandhi- No one is trying anything- we just want to know what is the whackiest thing that you have done...!!! Be a sport- and send the entry...!!!
@ G-man
Fir se load liya saala!
Nobody's trying to fool you! We constantly pull eachother's legs. Thats part of the relationship we have. It's only that Mann likes to pull your leg and I was just pulling his leg by making those comments.
Looks like it's come back to bite me in the arse!
Common, G. Submit an entry if you want, else don't. Either way we're having fun here.

@ Mann
You told me that lazy man sent his entry too. You haven't put it up yet! What has he done that's that exciting?

@ Sakshi
Load mat le. The G-man will cool down in a while. We're all a bunch of loadoos. We'll get pissed off one day and then we need to get it off our chests and take some time off. Then we're back and as 'thick as thieves'.

D
@Shayon,
Even I agree with Gandhi, your that statement on him went overboard,and I felt it even before Gandhi put his comment on that.

@Dion
Haha ..Dude,you yourself know that our 'lazyman' is a dark horse.He has done a lot of whacky acts but most people don't know that as they think he's a very cute guy,though there are no two opinions about it.I hope you remember his school incidents which used to be so damn hilarious.Remember ,getting hit by a CRPF man on duty while Sam was riding his cycle..:D
raj alakshendra said…
i also remember samik's p-movi which he had seen in school n used 2 narrate the stry 2 us.
zEaLoUsMe™ said…
it's more of fun reading your comments rather than the post!! :P
vaise, shayon bhaiya way to go... i'm so not able to stop laughing n my stomach's hurting!!!!!!!! :P:P =))

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