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"Karmic" deeds

I hope you all are enjoying the entries.I,for sure,am having a great time reading the entries and the comments that follow them.As the crescendo of whackiness rises,here we go with the man whose literary skills leave some gasping for breath and whose effective use of his enriched vocabulary forces people to wipe the dust off from their Oxford or Webster dictionaries.The man,I must say,has a real potential to continue the Bong tradition of giving good writers to India. Here we go with the entries of Abhishek Karmakar-popularly and commonly known as Karma.
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1.It was a sultry day.A nondescript time of the hour.Four little children were chatting excitedly,sitting in the front row. The teacher- stockily built and heavily moustached (looked like a Walrus when he started to laugh)was scribbling away on the board,occasionally flinching from the noise emanating from the four ruffians.Other students were too busy in other distractions rather than what was being taught by the teacher.All of these poor children dreaded raising their voices lest the stentorian teacher hear them and as he never thought twice before hitting the small urchins,the kids used to take precautions lest they become the poor victims of his rage.Clearly,the mood of the hall was anything but cognitive.
Suddenly,one of 'em threw a paper plane intended for the one who was sitting the farthest.But,then the poor kids were too tender to understand the nitty gritties of aerodynamics,hence the plane went out of the expected trajectory and veered towards the unsuspecting teacher.There are moments in your life you wish had never occurred and you had never seen. Moments when you are merely a spectator and the cruel hands of fate decide the course of the events that would unfold before u.The small plane had enuough Nitro behind it to reach the distance.But,it cud have hit the teacher anywhere.Right?But,why is it that the small aircraft chose to nose-dive and hit the teacher in the place,which these boys could never speak out or think of,was a something of an enigma.
Now imagine you were teaching Gerund ,verb with a 'force' of noun, suddenly u feel small poke in your @$$ ,turn around and find a paper plane lying behind and you and realize to ur chagrin the full class paying full attention to you and trying to stifle their collective sniggering,then what would you do in that case?
The next thing the boy could remember was a swish sound and blackout!!A complete blackout.On coming back to his senses, the boy found himself suddenly light and a strange feeling of relief.It was as if he had let something go, something he had forsaken for good. Something that was giving him a warm sense of relief which was actually streaming out and wetting his legs and socks!! The 'thingy' was hot and smelly and had a color.Well, lets don't go much deeper into that.
Farakka is famous for the Farakka Barrage on river Ganges which was once the longest barrage in Asia. It's nothing new for him how the river gushes out from the sluish gates and heads eagerly for the sea, making its own way.
Hey,wait a sec why am I saying all these. Wasn’t this about a boy who p!$$ed in his pants??
Yes,I can remember the boy stranded amidst the mess he had created. And the embarrassing 'thingy' he had just done was meandering its way towards the negative declivity and gradually spreading out in tributaries.....It was a sight he could not behold and he shut his eyes wishing it was a real scary dream.But,the overwhelming pungent smell(remember the chemistry lab experiments involving ammonia !!) was reminding him that he was in a real world and what was happening was not a nightmare. What he would have never thought of was that a score of years hence, he would actually pen down this incident and hope that others find it as funny as he is ryt now.

You would be a nuts if u don't recognize the boy by now !!! ;D
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2.Well,this is not a fete one should be proud of.Just imagine one of ur pal is in pain,won;t u do everything in ur capacity to alley his plight??? I am sure most of us wud. Isn't that friendship all about!! to be a shoulder when ur friend is in deep dolor,to be a hand when he stumbles down,to be a listener when he has loads of things to tell,to be an ointment when he has real pain in he @ss....!!! @#^%%## hey hey lets not jump directly to that...
Well,as(s) I was(s) saying...this poor fella really found difficult to 'sit on his agony'.I mean it was literally that he cud not sit down...deep down in the uninhabited , unforeseen and unexplored region of his body something was(s) happening...something was dying to 'burst' out..like a volcano ready to explode....a force so indomitable and heedless that it was making life miserable for this laddie....so inaccessible was his malefactor he cud barely see it...he cud only feel it......he was scandalized to find the assailant to be so gargantuan and hideous that he shuddered to think what if the leviathan that was crawling beneath his skin suddenly decide to rear his head !!
Oh ! What else cud the flesh and blood endure !!! But in came his loyal friend who had vowed to put his friend out of his woe.......so he took the most brave and imaginable venture of his life....he cud see his tormented friend lay , writhing with pain....he cud see the 'thing' that was causing him the pain - 'bare','red' with gaudy pomp and threatening to surge out.....his courage almost failed,his face puckered up with hatred.His friend whispered to hurry up ....so his friend steeled himself up reached for the table to get what he was looking for desperately wishing that this be the the last time he saw what he has seeing now.....
Well, what friends are for ..to be an ointment when he has real pain in he @ss.. .!!! @#^%%##
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Abhishek Karmakar

Comments

raj alakshendra said…
i fear of karma's article ... every 2nd line i hav 2 see dictionary ...even it is easier 2 read shayon n dion...
after 2-3 words getting frustrated i closed the dictionary ... il use my sense 2 understand the line ..

newez it was the most wackiest of all ... ididn expect karma 3 do all dis .... behind this innocent face lives a naughty guy ...
Sakshi said…
Wow.. and here I thought that Karma was a saint...!!! The competition is heating up...!!! Can't wait for the top posts...
Karma said…
@raj

I didn't understand what act of sacrilege have I done to earn the adjective of 'naughty' !!!

@sakshi

I was GOD-send(or rather saint) for that poor fella writhing in pain!!!
Ha ha ha.Dude,believe me I couldn't stop laughing when I go that entry in my mail,which happened to the first entry sent by anyone.This thing was really very funny-to say the least.You know,whenever this "piss in your pants" thing used to be shown in movies,it used to look very hyperbolic to me.I used to think that it's the depiction of a phrase which is just a PHRASE & something like that doesn't actually happens.You have changed that gross misconception now.Thanks D
ROTFLMAO!!
Unknown said…
hey karma,i have the song 'ganga behti hai kyun', you can take it from me !!

and what's the tag 'naughty boy' with karma given by raj ;-) .. karma you just saved ur frnd from the pain, whoever it was..
Ankit said…
really whacky....actually same thing happened to me, but then i was not as young as you were when this happened...i was fillin my class X board exam form...and did some mistake...and before i cud do anything...swoosh by teacher on my face....and piss by me in my pants....in my case though...rivers dint flow....but my classmates were quick enough to notice which they described later as" a round dot which started enlarging and enlarging till so much that everybody sitting even on the last bench cud make it out"....
Unknown said…
ho ho ho..

mannu u said gandhi hasn't given his entry..
seems like he's starting with this starter !!!!!
@Rathz
Ha ha ha..Dat's the reason I'm waiting for his post.I'm sure he has lot of untold things to tell us.Right,Gandhi ?
Sakshi said…
MY GOSH- Gandhi- its awesome... I just realised, that the posts are starting to jog the memories of quite a few ppls... and thus, the comments to are becoming really interesting...!!! I hope that there is a post out today...!!! Can't wait to see who is next...
Gandhi! You fool, you've walked into Mann's trap! I knew from the beginning that this competition was a ruse to get Gandhi to spill the beans!
Gandhi my man! You never learn!

@ Karma
We didn't mean to take the spotlight (Gandhi's spot which kept on growing) away from you!
Embarassing tales!
You had the balls to tell it though!

D

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